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When a step is too hard
What to do with a rung that has been on the plan for three weeks and has not been attempted.
A rung that has not been attempted for three weeks is not a motivation problem. It is a rung in the wrong place, and the fix is mechanical.
Break it down along one dimension
Take the step and make it smaller in exactly one way. Imaginal first: picture it in detail and stay with the image until the anxiety eases. Then a briefer or milder version. Then the real thing with someone there. Then the real thing for a fixed, short, finishable time. Then alone. Then repeated until it is boring.
That sequence is itself a small ladder, and it is what the breakdown button on the builder produces. Five sub-rungs where there was one wall.
Check what is quietly attached
Sometimes a step is too hard because it is really two steps. "Touch the door handle" is manageable; "touch the door handle and do not wash" is the actual exposure, and it is several points higher. Naming the second half explicitly is often what unsticks it.
Do not drop it from the plan
Deleting the hard rung feels like progress and is the most reliable way to end up back where you started. Move it up, put its smaller versions underneath, and leave it there as the thing being worked toward.
And sometimes it is the wrong goal
Occasionally a rung is too hard because it does not matter to the person, and the ladder has been built toward someone else's goal. That is worth asking about directly before rebuilding anything.
Build the ladder
Name the fear and Bia suggests the rungs. Free, and nothing about you is sent.